I never know when I will miss you.
I can’t ever predict just what will grip my heart with the reminder that you are gone. It could be anything. Anytime. Anywhere.
Because I am reminded of you everywhere.
I remember you are gone when I’m in a room full of people and I notice you are missing when I’m all alone. I feel your absence in joyful melodies and I hear your memory when the music is imbued with melancholy. You are everywhere and nowhere all at once.
When the days are bright, I am blinded by your presence and even when the world is dark I still manage to find you. In laughter, I hear the echo of losing you. Your presence is overflowing in the tears that fall. Now that your body is gone, everything holds your being.
I miss you in the cold depths of winter and I long for you in the thick summer breeze. You are my first rising thought in the morning and my last notion as I sink into the heaviness of the night. I thought we ran out of moments together, but every moment seems to belong to you.
How can you be everywhere when you are nowhere to be seen?
I used to worry about facing the world because I didn’t know what would trigger my heartache. I used to be afraid of every feeling, every memory, every moment because I didn’t know which ones held you. Now I know you are everywhere and I think that I know why.
You’re everywhere because you’re somewhere inside of who I am. I am the bearer of your life and your memory. I am the keeper of your existence. Even though you’re gone, I never really have to search for you.
I never know where I’ll find you but you are always there.
I never know when I will miss you and it happens all the time.