I Never Know When I’m Going To Miss You And It Happens All The Time

liv-bruce-361672-unsplash

I never know when I will miss you.

I can’t ever predict just what will grip my heart with the reminder that you are gone.  It could be anything.  Anytime.  Anywhere.

I am reminded of you everywhere.

I remember you are gone when I’m in a room full of people and I notice you are missing when I’m all alone.  I feel your absence in joyful melodies and I hear your memory when the music is imbued with melancholy. 

You are everywhere and nowhere all at once.

When the days are bright, I am blinded by your presence and even when the world is dark I still manage to find you.  In laughter, I hear the echo of losing you.  Your presence is overflowing in the tears that fall. 

Now that your body is gone, everything holds your being.

I miss you in the cold depths of winter and I long for you in the thick summer breeze.  You are my first rising thought in the morning and my last notion as I sink into the heaviness of the night.  I thought we ran out of moments together, but every moment seems to belong to you.

How can you be everywhere when you are nowhere to be seen?

I used to worry about facing the world because I didn’t know what would trigger my heartache.  I used to be afraid of every feeling, every memory, every moment because I didn’t know which ones held you.  Now I know you are everywhere and I think that I know why.

You’re everywhere because you’re somewhere inside of who I am. 

I am the bearer of your life and your memory.  I am the keeper of your existence.  Even though you’re gone, I never really have to search for you.

I never know where I’ll find you but you are always there.

I never know when I will miss you and it happens all the time.

Photo by Liv Bruce on Unsplash

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6 thoughts on “I Never Know When I’m Going To Miss You And It Happens All The Time

  1. I am a newly bereaved mother and your words speak exactly what I feel but I am still afraid to face the world without my son in it. He and his best friend since elementary, both just 21 years old, died in October when a drunk driver hit them head on at high speed. Our lives have been shattered beyond repair. I found your words to be very relateable though, thank you for sharing your heart. “ You are everywhere and nowhere all at once” is so spot on. Gutwrenchingly. spot. on.

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    1. I am truly sorry for the loss of your precious son. Hold the memories in your heart. Talk about him, let your grief out, share your feelings. You are not alone ever. We are here.

      Like

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