I Never Know When I’m Going To Miss You And It Happens All The Time

liv-bruce-361672-unsplashI never know when I will miss you.

I can’t ever predict just what will grip my heart with the reminder that you are gone.  It could be anything.  Anytime.  Anywhere.

Because I am reminded of you everywhere.

I remember you are gone when I’m in a room full of people and I notice you are missing when I’m all alone.  I feel your absence in joyful melodies and I hear your memory when the music is imbued with melancholy.  You are everywhere and nowhere all at once.

When the days are bright, I am blinded by your presence and even when the world is dark I still manage to find you.  In laughter, I hear the echo of losing you.  Your presence is overflowing in the tears that fall.  Now that your body is gone, everything holds your being.

I miss you in the cold depths of winter and I long for you in the thick summer breeze.  You are my first rising thought in the morning and my last notion as I sink into the heaviness of the night.  I thought we ran out of moments together, but every moment seems to belong to you.

How can you be everywhere when you are nowhere to be seen?

I used to worry about facing the world because I didn’t know what would trigger my heartache.  I used to be afraid of every feeling, every memory, every moment because I didn’t know which ones held you.  Now I know you are everywhere and I think that I know why.

You’re everywhere because you’re somewhere inside of who I am.  I am the bearer of your life and your memory.  I am the keeper of your existence.  Even though you’re gone, I never really have to search for you.

I never know where I’ll find you but you are always there.

I never know when I will miss you and it happens all the time.

Photo by Liv Bruce on Unsplash

 

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5 thoughts on “I Never Know When I’m Going To Miss You And It Happens All The Time

  1. I am a newly bereaved mother and your words speak exactly what I feel but I am still afraid to face the world without my son in it. He and his best friend since elementary, both just 21 years old, died in October when a drunk driver hit them head on at high speed. Our lives have been shattered beyond repair. I found your words to be very relateable though, thank you for sharing your heart. “ You are everywhere and nowhere all at once” is so spot on. Gutwrenchingly. spot. on.

    Like

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