What Is It Like When A Baby Dies?

When a baby dies, there are questions.  

There are questions that have concrete answers.  When did your baby die?  How old were they?  Why did they die?

And then there are the questions that no one really asks, but everybody wonders.  These are the questions that ask–what is it like when your baby dies?  How does it feel?

If these questions are asked out loud, it can be so hard to find an answer that captures the longing, the heartbreak, and the love that go with losing a baby.   

These are the questions that are seldom asked and these are the responses that are not so easily voiced.

What is it like to experience pregnancy and infant loss? 

It’s having a baby without a baby to hold.

It’s holding your breath when you’re asked: “How many children do you have?”

It’s when even the busiest room is always missing one person.

What is it like to lose your child?

It’s never being able to exhale.

It’s waking up to a day that is always incomplete.

It’s stepping into the sunlight but never escaping the shadows.

What is it like to live without your baby?

It’s watching a heartbreaking movie that you wish ended differently.

It’s like wearing a shoe that never really fits.

It’s putting together a puzzle when you know a piece is missing.

What is it like to know the heartbreak of child loss?

It’s that song that you can’t get out of your head.

It’s like you’re shouting and all that anyone hears is a whisper.

It’s knowing your dream will never come true and knowing that you will never stop dreaming.

Photo by Janko Ferlič on Unsplash