You Can Be Grateful And Still Complain When Parenting After Loss

I distinctly remember those sleepless nights. I’m referring to the ones that came after my daughter, Dorothy, was stillborn. I would toss and turn for hours, my eyes burning from the steady stream of tears that fell. The sleepless nights after losing a baby are brutal. As I lay there I would torment myself by…

We Hang Four Stockings In A House Where Three People Live

Someday, during a future Christmastime, I imagine that my daughter will ask me a question. Her tone will be inquisitive and her eyes curious, but it will not be a question deep with meaning. Instead, her question will be imbued with the simple curiosity of a child who notices when the number of stockings doesn't…

After pregnancy loss you watch as your whens become ifs.

After Miscarriage and Stillbirth The Whens Became Ifs

Losing three babies in two years changed me.  Gone was the woman who spoke in absolutes.  No longer was I the person who punctuated her statements with certainty.  Two miscarriages and a stillbirth changed literally changed the way I spoke. After losing three babies--my whens became ifs. With each loss, I felt less and less…

Having a baby after a loss will not fix the pain, but it can still bring you hope.

Why “Rainbow Babies” Are Not A Cure For Grief

When Dorothy died, I plummeted.  I found myself in the lowest place I had ever been to.  It was far below any place I had visited before.  You might know the level I speak of; a low so far down that when you look up, you see black. There is nothing there for you.  And…

I Want My Daughter To Know That Mothers Are Not Made–They Just Are

Dearest daughter, I never knew how soon how a mother heart could start beating. Then, little one, I heard your mother heart beating inside that tiny body and in its cadence I heard the truth about mother hearts everywhere. I love to watch the lub-dub of your mother heart as you play with your baby…