When Your Baby Dies You Get To Be Angry

The anger arrived three days after my daughter died. I sat in my hospital bed staring down at my arms. Purple and swollen from blown out veins and the IVs and tubes that saved my life. My skin, mottled and ugly, bearing the bruises of my battle with death. The battle that I only half…

I Wish I Had Known That Stillbirth Was A Possibility

What I'm about to say might scare you and to be honest, it should. If you are pregnant or plan to be pregnant, there is a chance that your baby could be stillborn. Why am I telling you this? Because no one told me. Not even when I was on bedrest and doing everything I…

Losing A Baby In A Pregnancy-Obsessed Society

Pregnancy announcements. Baby showers. Gender reveals. Maternity photoshoots. Creating registries. As soon as you see two lines, there are countless ways you are encouraged to prepare and celebrate your pregnancy and baby on the way. It seems like we can't get enough of women when they are expecting their little bundle (or bundles) of joy.…

Even Though My Baby Died, You Can Still Call Me ‘Mama’

I remember when I announced my pregnancy and you said, "Congratulations Mama." I remember when my bump started showing and you squealed, "You look so good, Mama!" I remember at my baby shower when you asked, "Are you ready for this Mama?" And then, I had to tell you that my baby died. You told…

How Do You Love Your Post-Baby Body When There Is No Baby?

When your baby dies, you seek validation of their existence. Your heart scrambles for someone else to acknowledge their realness. A panicky feeling thuds within as you are left wondering if something can be real when you are the only one who knows it existed. The validation you are looking for will come and it…

After My Own Baby Died, I Now Avoid Baby Showers

They're having a baby shower at work and I will not be going. While everyone gathers together in celebration, I will find a place to hide. I will come up with an excuse for the co-worker who passes me in the hall on their way to the baby shower and wonders if I'm coming. I…

To The Woman Who Wondered If It Was Necessary To Share A Photo Of My Dead Baby

To The Woman Who Wondered If It Was Necessary To Share A Photo Of My Dead Baby

This is to the woman who wondered if a photo of a dead baby was necessary on a Facebook feed. Yes. That photo of a dead baby was necessary because that dead baby is MY dead baby. That dead baby--the one you "didn't have time to look away from"--she's my daughter. Her name is Dorothy…