Dear Abby: Your Advice About Grief Is Not Helpful And It Hurts

Oh, Abby. I saw your column today--the one where you gave advice to Crystal in Nevada. She wrote to you asking how to cope with her aunt who had a stillbirth 20 years ago. Crystal wanted to know how to talk to this aunt who lives such a “morbid lifestyle.” To encourage her to move…

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My Daughters Have Never Met, But That Doesn’t Mean They Don’t Know Each Other

She found the photo on my nightstand. I flinched when she grabbed it, imagining the inevitable destruction that toddlers leave in their wake. Instead, I found myself surprised at the gentle and knowing way she cradled it in her hands. A very atypical move for our rough-and-tumble girl. "Baby." she stated in her breathy squeal.…

Knowing What It’s Like To Lose A Baby Again And Again…And Again

After my first miscarriage, I actually experienced a moment of relief. Losing my first baby had been a devastating experience, but it was over. Naively, I felt like the worst was behind me. Because I knew so little about pregnancy loss, I assumed that this was a one time thing. Surely, this wouldn't happen again.…

I Saw The Photo Of The 8 Pregnant Nurses And It Made Me Wonder–Who Is Missing From The Picture?

By now you've probably seen this picture. You've probably heard of the 9 labor and delivery nurses who are all pregnant at the same time.  When I look at this picture, I feel happy for these women and their shared experience. I wish them all the very best in their pregnancy. But, my heart truly…

When You Have A Miscarriage Or A Stillbirth–People Say Some Really Awkward Things

Death is an uncomfortable subject. When people are in a situation where they have to say words out loud about death, it leads to some very awkward encounters. For reasons we can all imagine, this awkwardness increases when discussing the death of a baby. Before having two miscarriages and my daughter being stillborn, I figured…

9 Things Healthcare Providers Can Do To Support Families Through Pregnancy and Infant Loss

By now it is commonly known that one in four pregnancies will end in a loss. No one should be more aware of this statistic than the countless healthcare providers who will care for these women and their families during their loss. One would assume, given the common nature of pregnancy and infant loss, that…

There’s So Much I Didn’t Know About Losing A Baby Until It Happened To Me

When I say that my daughter died, people will often respond: "I'm sorry I didn't know." Their response makes me smile in that sad sort of way because it reminds me that when my baby died, there was so much I didn't know. I didn't know it was possible to keep breathing when your baby's…