What I Would Do If I Had One More Minute With My Baby Who Died

Minutes.  Everything I remember about the day that Dorothy died can be measured in minutes.  There were the minutes spent searching for a heartbeat that wasn't there.  The minutes spent delivering a baby that came so silently.  The minutes we were together as a family of three.   And when it was all over, there was…

The Choices We Must Make When Our Baby Dies

There is a popular philosophy that our happiness in life comes down to the choices we make.  According to this philosophy, your mood and your circumstances are a reflection of the choices you have made.  It suggests that if you are unhappy with your life, all you need to do is make a different choice.…

Coming Home After My Baby Died

I spent a week in the hospital after Dorothy died so that my body could begin to recover from all that it had endured.  I know my doctors wanted me to stay longer, but after a week I broke down and begged to be discharged.  As long as I was in that hospital, my husband…

Happy Birthday Dorothy

Dear Dorothy, Happy birthday to you.  How incredible that it has been a year since you entered our world and how incredibly heartbreaking that it has been a year since we said good-bye.  It has been the most heartbreaking blessing to have spent this last year as your parents, your advocates, and your memory keepers.…

Mementos

We've made it to 30 weeks.  I go back and forth between wanting to celebrate and wanting to curl up and hide.  I want to embrace every moment of this wonderfully, healthy pregnancy with unblinking eyes and I also want to just close my eyes and open them up when they put my baby in…

Today, I Chose Wonder

It's cold out.  It's really cold out.  Like, snuggled-under-a-blanket-with-Project-Runway-reruns-cold-out.  Today is the kind of day where you can get a lot of thinking done.  Sometimes that can be a dangerous thing for me.  Lately, my mind has a tendency to find itself forging a path through anxiety and stress.  But not today.  Today, I chose…