After The Death Of Our Baby, Attending Couples Therapy Helped Our Marriage Thrive

After our daughter, Dorothy, was stillborn we wasted no time in finding a therapist. To be completely honest, it was fear that drove me to make the initial call. I was terrified of what would happen to myself, my husband, and our marriage if we did not seek help. I knew we did not have…

We Need Pregnancy, Infant, and Child Loss Awareness Month But Not For The Reasons You Think

I'm a grieving mother. I've experienced two miscarriages and a stillbirth. Most of my babies have died. You would think that Pregnancy, Infant, and Child Loss Awareness Month would be just the month for me. Yes and no. You see, I don't really need a month to be aware that my babies died. I don't…

We Can Imagine What It’s Like When A Baby Dies–We Just Don’t Want To

"I can't imagine what you're going through." If your baby has died, you have heard this phrase. I'll guess you've heard it more than once. Maybe it was written in a sympathy card that you could barely bring yourself to open in those first days of grief. It's what so many choose to say when…

Finding The Words–5 Things To Say After A Baby Dies

When a baby dies it is devastating. It is an unexpected and heartbreaking tragedy. It is very possible that people might not know what to say and that makes sense. They may wonder how could words ever be enough to take away the pain? What could one possibly say to remove the burden of losing…

Dear Abby: Your Advice About Grief Is Not Helpful And It Hurts

Oh, Abby. I saw your column today--the one where you gave advice to Crystal in Nevada. She wrote to you asking how to cope with her aunt who had a stillbirth 20 years ago. Crystal wanted to know how to talk to this aunt who lives such a “morbid lifestyle.” To encourage her to move…

Why I’m Leaving The Cards On The Shelf This Mother’s Day

Last year on Mother's Day, I was walking through the grocery store when I ended up in the greeting card aisle. I was there for an anniversary card for my parents, but I glanced over at the Mother's Day cards and saw that the selection was completely picked over. A few random cards remained and…

“You Don’t Even Look Like You Had A Baby!” And Other Awkward Things I Heard After My Baby Died

Death is an uncomfortable subject. When people are in a situation where they have to say words out loud about death, it leads to some very awkward encounters. For reasons we can all imagine, this awkwardness increases when discussing the death of a baby. Before having two miscarriages and my daughter being stillborn, I figured…