We Can Imagine What It’s Like When A Baby Dies–We Just Don’t Want To

"I can't imagine what you're going through." If your baby has died, you have heard this phrase. I'll guess you've heard it more than once. Maybe it was written in a sympathy card that you could barely bring yourself to open in those first days of grief. It's what so many choose to say when…

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Finding The Words–5 Things To Say After A Baby Dies

When a baby dies it is devastating. It is an unexpected and heartbreaking tragedy. It is very possible that people might not know what to say and that makes sense. They may wonder how could words ever be enough to take away the pain? What could one possibly say to remove the burden of losing…

Dear Abby: Your Advice About Grief Is Not Helpful And It Hurts

Oh, Abby. I saw your column today--the one where you gave advice to Crystal in Nevada. She wrote to you asking how to cope with her aunt who had a stillbirth 20 years ago. Crystal wanted to know how to talk to this aunt who lives such a “morbid lifestyle.” To encourage her to move…

Why I’m Leaving The Cards On The Shelf This Mother’s Day

Last year on Mother's Day, I was walking through the grocery store when I ended up in the greeting card aisle. I was there for an anniversary card for my parents, but I glanced over at the Mother's Day cards and saw that the selection was completely picked over. A few random cards remained and…

“You Don’t Even Look Like You Had A Baby!” And Other Awkward Things I Heard After My Baby Died

Death is an uncomfortable subject. When people are in a situation where they have to say words out loud about death, it leads to some very awkward encounters. For reasons we can all imagine, this awkwardness increases when discussing the death of a baby. Before having two miscarriages and my daughter being stillborn, I figured…

We’re Not Laughing–Why It’s Time To Stop Posting Fake Pregnancy Announcements On Facebook

If you have a Facebook account, then you've probably seen your fair share of fake pregnancy announcements. Maybe it's because they're often copied and pasted from somewhere else, but they're always the same. A blurry ultrasound photo accompanied by a lengthy caption containing far too many exclamation points and feigned surprise at the new arrival…

The pregnancy and infant loss bill of rights.

The Pregnancy And Infant Loss Bill Of Rights

When a pregnancy ends or a baby dies, there is such helplessness felt by the parents of that child. Losing your baby makes you feel as if you've lost your sense of self. How do you move forward after such heartbreak? How do you make sense amidst the devastation? This struggle can be made more…