I Know It Was Hard When My Baby Died–It Was Hard For Me Too

I know my baby's death was hard on you.  It was hard on me too. I'm sorry that it makes you uncomfortable when I say their name.  To be honest, it makes me uncomfortable that you won't. When I mention them, I know you feel the need to change the conversation because you're sad.  I'm…

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Looking to the Past and Seeing the Future

The morning after we lost Dorothy, I woke up in the ICU terrified and alone.  The memories of the day before tore through me like a natural disaster.  My eyes flew open and that's when things became even more terrifying.  I couldn't see.  I reached for my glasses to remedy the blurriness I was facing,…

When Your Heart Calls

Summer is over and I'm back to school.  Kindergarten has started and I have a wonderful new group of students to teach and care for.  Frances is spending her days at daycare and she is loving it.  My weekends are full with family time, housework, and meal prepping in the hopes that I can be…

To Be Brave and Afraid

People tell me that I'm really brave.  I hear this a lot.  "You're such a brave mother."  "I don't know if I could be as brave as you."  When I hear this, I worry.  What if I'm not brave? What if I'm actually just afraid? My life doesn't always feel like it's fueled by bravery;…

I Almost Made It

I reconnected with a friend today.  A friend who, after years apart, had me laughing before she even closed my front door.  She's the kind of friend who makes years apart seem like they were only minutes.  She is also a friend who, in our time apart, has known her own pain, heartbreak, and grief.…

Songs of 2016

Recently I was fortunate to have my contribution selected for a musical retrospective on Vermont Public Radio .  The prompt was to choose a song that represented a moment, experience or mood from 2016.  I easily chose my song to contribute, but I felt so many other songs rattling around in my head that I…

Christmas 2016

By Mike Whalen Rarely do I find solace in religion or Biblical stories but I find myself reflecting on the Christmas story.  Today we gathered to celebrate the birth of a child. This child, the Christ child, was born to suffer and die. Aren't we all though?  Birth, suffer, death. Repeat. Mary seems uniquely positioned…