We Can Imagine What It’s Like When A Baby Dies–We Just Don’t Want To

"I can't imagine what you're going through." If your baby has died, you have heard this phrase. I'll guess you've heard it more than once. Maybe it was written in a sympathy card that you could barely bring yourself to open in those first days of grief. It's what so many choose to say when…

I Saw The Photo Of The 8 Pregnant Nurses And It Made Me Wonder–Who Is Missing From The Picture?

By now you've probably seen this picture. You've probably heard of the 9 labor and delivery nurses who are all pregnant at the same time.  When I look at this picture, I feel happy for these women and their shared experience. I wish them all the very best in their pregnancy. But, my heart truly…

To Those Who Don’t Know What It’s Like To Have Your Baby Die, Consider It Your Privilege

When I say that my daughter died, people will often respond: "I'm sorry I didn't know." Their response makes me smile in that sad sort of way because it reminds me that when my baby died, there was so much I didn't know. I didn't know it was possible to keep breathing when your baby's…

I Didn’t Think I Wanted Photos Of My Stillborn Baby And I Was Wrong

I sat there, cradling my stillborn daughter in my arms when they asked if I wanted photos. I looked at them horrified--why would I want a photo of me holding my dead child? So, I said no. My medical situation was urgent and I was running out of time to hold my baby. Even though…

The Fear (And Joy) Of Seeing A Positive Pregnancy Test After Losing A Baby

My struggle has never lied in getting pregnant. My struggle is keeping babies. I've been pregnant 4 times and I've only brought one baby home. I know that there are women who have never seen a positive test, or women who have yet to bring home a live baby. There are women who will never…

The Truth About Baby Loss–Others Will Never Understand And You Will Always Remember

To the parent who has lost a child, Do you have a person in your life who never mentions your child? Do you know someone who changes the subject when you mention the piece of your heart that is missing? Do you know what it's like to be pulled aside and told that it's time…

My Last Week With Dorothy: Day 2

My daughter, Dorothy, was stillborn on February 22, 2016 due to complications from preeclampsia. I have written a lot about her death and the life I’ve lived after, but I have written little about the events and moments leading up to her death. This series is dedicated to remembering my last week with her before…

To My Stillborn Baby, I Still Carry You With Me

They said there was no heartbeat. They said you left. They said you died inside of me. And while that is true, we both know that you never really went anywhere. They told me that you would be born still. They said your eyes would never open, your lungs would never draw breath. They told…