Yes, I Had A Miscarriage And Yes, I Flushed

I was not well prepared for what it would be like to have a miscarriage. I figured there would be blood, but I didn't realize how much. I assumed there would be cramping, but I didn't know it would be so intense. I had vague ideas of what it would be to have a miscarriage,…

Losing A Baby In A Pregnancy-Obsessed Society

Pregnancy announcements. Baby showers. Gender reveals. Maternity photoshoots. Creating registries. As soon as you see two lines, there are countless ways you are encouraged to prepare and celebrate your pregnancy and baby on the way. It seems like we can't get enough of women when they are expecting their little bundle (or bundles) of joy.…

Even Though My Baby Died, You Can Still Call Me ‘Mama’

I remember when I announced my pregnancy and you said, "Congratulations Mama." I remember when my bump started showing and you squealed, "You look so good, Mama!" I remember at my baby shower when you asked, "Are you ready for this Mama?" And then, I had to tell you that my baby died. You told…

How Do You Love Your Post-Baby Body When There Is No Baby?

When your baby dies, you seek validation of their existence. Your heart scrambles for someone else to acknowledge their realness. A panicky feeling thuds within as you are left wondering if something can be real when you are the only one who knows it existed. The validation you are looking for will come and it…

To The Woman Who Wondered If It Was Necessary To Share A Photo Of My Dead Baby

To The Woman Who Wondered If It Was Necessary To Share A Photo Of My Dead Baby

This is to the woman who wondered if a photo of a dead baby was necessary on a Facebook feed. Yes. That photo of a dead baby was necessary because that dead baby is MY dead baby. That dead baby--the one you "didn't have time to look away from"--she's my daughter. Her name is Dorothy…

After Our Babies Die–How Do We Do It?

How do we do it? Those of us who have experienced pregnancy and infant loss, how do we do it when it all seems impossible? When we are told the worst news of our life--how do we comprehend it? How do we stare at silent screens? How do we hear heartbreaking news? How do we…

Losing a baby gets easier--and it never stops being hard.

The Grief Of Your Baby's Death Gets Easier To Carry–And It Never Stops Being Hard

The experience of having your baby die--it is hard stuff. Those first minutes and days and weeks feel impossible.  You find yourself living minute to minute.  You are just trying to get one moment further in this new life you didn't ask for.  The most basic tasks of living feel arduous.  Breathing, eating, bathing, sitting…