Congrats On Keeping The Kids Alive–I’m The Mom Who Couldn’t

I hear it at least once a week--usually from a meme on social media. Someone joking that "at least I kept the kids alive." While other moms might scroll by with a giggle and barely a second thought--I cringe. I could go my whole life without ever having to hear or read those words again.…

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Even Though My Baby Died, You Can Still Call Me ‘Mama’

I remember when I announced my pregnancy and you said, "Congratulations Mama." I remember when my bump started showing and you squealed, "You look so good, Mama!" I remember at my baby shower when you asked, "Are you ready for this Mama?" And then, I had to tell you that my baby died. You told…

Know Your Circle–Using Ring Theory To Support Those Grieving

When my daughter was stillborn, I found myself exhausted. Her death had drained me and left me very little emotional strength to deal with anything or anyone else. I wanted support without any engagement, but that seemed like a lot to ask for. There were few people who would simply let me unload. Most people…

It's been over two years and I still don't know what to do with my daughter's remains.

All That Remains–Why I Haven’t Laid My Daughter To Rest

All that remains of my daughter, Dorothy, rests on my desk.  Nestled in between a stack of journals and my pencil cup of felt tip pens, there is a tiny ceramic urn adorned with a floral pattern in purple and ivory.  I wish I could give a poignant reason for her being there. But, the…

Can you see the grief?

Can You See The Grief?

I’ve just revealed my story.  I’m a bereaved parent.  I’ve lost my baby.  She died. After the awkward silence settles in and divides us, you mumble something about how you didn’t know. My heart goes out to you. How could you know? There is no mark to distinguish me as a bereaved parent; I look…

July Is Bereaved Parents Month–How You Can Support The Bereaved Parent In Your Life

Even if you have a loved one who has experienced the loss of a child, you may not know that July is Bereaved Parents Months.  In the loss community there will be opportunities for bereaved parents to share and connect with other parents of loss.  But what you might notice is that even with all…

What's it like to become a grieving parent

Now I’m Them–When You Realize What It’s Like To Be The Grieving Parent

Years ago, I received a phone call from a former co-worker, telling me that a student I knew had been hit by a car and died.  She was just about to turn 6 years old.  I was devastated by this news.  She was such a spunky and sweet girl who I had nicknamed Ramona, because…