The Language of PAIL (Pregnancy And Infant Loss)

I have always wanted to be bilingual.  In high school, I studied French and while my grades were excellent, my teenage ambition did not extend beyond my workbook pages.  C'est la vie. Now, almost three years after my first miscarriage, I find myself fluent in a language that does not easily translate.  It is not…

Navigating the Landscapes of Grief

It is a common misconception that grief is linear.  That if you follow a straight and narrow path and make all the necessary stops you will find an end to the road.  For those of us trekking through grief, we know that this is a falsehood. Grief is a journey that twists and turns and…

Unwrapping Joy and Heartache

It is our second Christmas without Dorothy.  The second year in a row where I find myself alternating between belting out Christmas songs with an almost-convincing bravado and staring at the twinkle lights as they blur through my tear-filled eyes.  A subsequent year of loneliness and "what-ifs" and pretending to the be the last 5…

How to Survive the Holidays–An "Alternative" Guide For Grievers

The holidays are here and you are feeling less than jolly.  I get it. You are exhausted from participating in the pageantry of the season while trying to carry your heart that is heavy with grief.  It feels unfair that you have to work so hard at self-care and demonstrating kindness just to keep yourself…

During The Holiday Season, Grief And Gratitude Can Sit At The Same Table

I get it.  Thanksgiving and the holidays bring in the time of year when I'm supposed to focus on what I have and not on what I want.  Instead, of hoping for more I am encouraged to be grateful with what is already present. No, thank you. Everyday I encounter people who believe that I…

What I Would Do If I Had One More Minute With My Baby Who Died

Minutes.  Everything I remember about the day that Dorothy died can be measured in minutes.  There were the minutes spent searching for a heartbeat that wasn't there.  The minutes spent delivering a baby that came so silently.  The minutes we were together as a family of three.   And when it was all over, there was…

The Power of ‘And’: How One Word Changed The Way I Grieve

Five weeks after Dorothy died, my nephew was born.  I remember going to to our weekly therapy session and sharing this news with our therapist.  Of course she wanted to know how I was feeling about his arrival.  I replied that I was so happy that he was safely here but I was also happy…