I’m Sorry, There Is No Heartbeat

On February 22, 2016 our daughter, Dorothy Grace Helena Whalen was stillborn.  This is her story. They were ready to send me home.  So, they were going to send me home and have me visit the hospital daily for monitoring.  I was on board.  I felt fine. Dorothy was doing well, and I imagined it would be best…

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What's it like to become a grieving parent

Now I’m Them–When You Realize What It’s Like To Be The Grieving Parent

Years ago, I received a phone call from a former co-worker, telling me that a student I knew had been hit by a car and died.  She was just about to turn 6 years old.  I was devastated by this news.  She was such a spunky and sweet girl who I had nicknamed Ramona, because…

What I Would Do If I Had One More Minute With My Baby Who Died

Minutes.  Everything I remember about the day that Dorothy died can be measured in minutes.  There were the minutes spent searching for a heartbeat that wasn't there.  The minutes spent delivering a baby that came so silently.  The minutes we were together as a family of three.   And when it was all over, there was…

To the person who gave me advice on my grief--here's what you need to know.

To The Person Who Gave Me Advice On My Grief–Here’s What You Need To Know

When someone is grieving, people want to offer support.  Instead, they offer advice.  Advice is not always supportive.  Especially if the person offering the advice has never been through the same experience as the person they are trying to support.  I once had a conversation with a family member who felt like they were helping. …

Knowing The Helpful (And Hurtful) Things To Say When Someone Has Lost A Baby

A grieving parent can receive many things from people after the death of their child.  They may receive cards, casseroles, texts, gift cards, and flowers.  They may receive visitors at their door or phone calls from loved ones far away.   I was the recipient of all these things when my own daughter died, but…