My Stillborn Baby Still Has A Birth Story

On February 22, 2016 our daughter, Dorothy Grace Helena Whalen was stillborn.  This is a continuation of her story. When I transferred to the Intensive Care Unit, everything came with me--large plastic bags stuffed with clothing, haphazardly stacked books and magazines, a jumble of flower arrangements.  All of this traveled on a large, noisy cart as I was rushed from labor…

My Baby Died, Please Don’t Let Me Die Too

On February 22, 2016 our daughter, Dorothy Grace Helena Whalen was stillborn.  This is the continuation of her story. The shock and devastation of losing Dorothy had numbed me.  No longer was I aware of the experience of my own body.  I knew Dorothy was gone, that she had died, but I was not yet aware of how sick…

I’m Sorry, There Is No Heartbeat

On February 22, 2016 our daughter, Dorothy Grace Helena Whalen was stillborn.  This is her story. They were ready to send me home.  So, they were going to send me home and have me visit the hospital daily for monitoring.  I was on board.  I felt fine. Dorothy was doing well, and I imagined it would be best…

What's it like to become a grieving parent

Now I’m Them–When You Realize What It’s Like To Be The Grieving Parent

Years ago, I received a phone call from a former co-worker, telling me that a student I knew had been hit by a car and died.  She was just about to turn 6 years old.  I was devastated by this news.  She was such a spunky and sweet girl who I had nicknamed Ramona, because…

What I Would Do If I Had One More Minute With My Baby Who Died

Minutes.  Everything I remember about the day that Dorothy died can be measured in minutes.  There were the minutes spent searching for a heartbeat that wasn't there.  The minutes spent delivering a baby that came so silently.  The minutes we were together as a family of three.   And when it was all over, there was…

To The Mother Whose Baby Has Died–I Know, Because My Baby Died Too

Dear Beautiful Mother, I know.   I know how it feels to have your heart feel both heavy and hollow.  I know how it feels for your arms to ache from the emptiness they are holding.  I know that your life will never be the same.  There is no going back to the way things…

To the person who gave me advice on my grief--here's what you need to know.

To The Person Who Gave Me Advice On My Grief–Here’s What You Need To Know

When someone is grieving, people want to offer support.  Instead, they offer advice.  Advice is not always supportive.  Especially if the person offering the advice has never been through the same experience as the person they are trying to support.  I once had a conversation with a family member who felt like they were helping. …