The Mental Load Of The Grieving Mother

I do not consider myself to be busier than any other mother I know. I'm sure we all have the same sinks piled high with dishes, the same stack of bills, and the same pick-up/drop-off schedules to coordinate. There are the same doctor's appointments to schedule, the same load of laundry that's been washed three…

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Sleepless Nights Aren’t Just For The Moms Who Bring Home Their Babies

People love to tell moms-to-be about how exhausted they are going to be. Some almost seem to get a thrill from teasing about the sleepless nights that lay ahead. "Just you wait," they'll say with a knowing smirk, "life with a baby is exhausting." I wonder if they know that life without the baby is…

Grief Is Not Just Surviving Those First Minutes, It’s About Living All The Minutes That Come After

I didn't hear the door close, but I felt it. I sat up just enough in my hospital bed so I could look that way. Just visible through the glass was the outline of the nurse's shoulders--hunched and tense as she so carefully carried my daughter out of the room. I quickly looked away. I…

After Losing My Own Baby, I Now Avoid Baby Showers

They're having a baby shower at work and I will not be going. While everyone gathers together in celebration, I will find a place to hide. I will come up with an excuse for the co-worker who passes me in the hall on their way to the baby shower and wonders if I'm coming. I…

Know Your Circle–Using Ring Theory To Support Those Grieving

When my daughter was stillborn, I found myself exhausted. Her death had drained me and left me very little emotional strength to deal with anything or anyone else. I wanted support without any engagement, but that seemed like a lot to ask for. There were few people who would simply let me unload. Most people…

You Can Be Grateful And Still Complain When Parenting After Loss

I distinctly remember those sleepless nights. I’m referring to the ones that came after my daughter, Dorothy, was stillborn. I would toss and turn for hours, my eyes burning from the steady stream of tears that fell. The sleepless nights after losing a baby are brutal. As I lay there I would torment myself by…

After Our Babies Die–How Do We Do It?

How do we do it? Those of us who have experienced pregnancy and infant loss, how do we do it when it all seems impossible? When we are told the worst news of our life--how do we comprehend it? How do we stare at silent screens? How do we hear heartbreaking news? How do we…