The Language of PAIL (Pregnancy And Infant Loss)

I have always wanted to be bilingual.  In high school, I studied French and while my grades were excellent, my teenage ambition did not extend beyond my workbook pages.  C'est la vie. Now, almost three years after my first miscarriage, I find myself fluent in a language that does not easily translate.  It is not…

How to Survive the Holidays–An “Alternative” Guide For Grievers

The holidays are here and you are feeling less than jolly.  I get it. You are exhausted from participating in the pageantry of the season while trying to carry your heart that is heavy with grief.  It feels unfair that you have to work so hard at self-care and demonstrating kindness just to keep yourself…

During The Holiday Season, Grief And Gratitude Can Sit At The Same Table

I get it.  Thanksgiving and the holidays bring in the time of year when I'm supposed to focus on what I have and not on what I want.  Instead, of hoping for more I am encouraged to be grateful with what is already present. No, thank you. Everyday I encounter people who believe that I…

What's it like to become a grieving parent

Now I’m Them–When You Realize What It’s Like To Be The Grieving Parent

Years ago, I received a phone call from a former co-worker, telling me that a student I knew had been hit by a car and died.  She was just about to turn 6 years old.  I was devastated by this news.  She was such a spunky and sweet girl who I had nicknamed Ramona, because…

What I wish I had known about my miscarriage

10 Things I Wish Someone Told Me About Miscarriage

Before my first miscarriage I thought I understood what miscarriage was--your pregnancy would come to an end, you would probably be sad, and then you would move on.  I thought I knew it all and in reality, I knew so very little.  Before I began sharing my own experience, I had never really heard anyone…

What I Would Do If I Had One More Minute With My Baby Who Died

Minutes.  Everything I remember about the day that Dorothy died can be measured in minutes.  There were the minutes spent searching for a heartbeat that wasn't there.  The minutes spent delivering a baby that came so silently.  The minutes we were together as a family of three.   And when it was all over, there was…

To The Mother Whose Baby Has Died–I Know, Because My Baby Died Too

Dear Beautiful Mother, I know.   I know how it feels to have your heart feel both heavy and hollow.  I know how it feels for your arms to ache from the emptiness they are holding.  I know that your life will never be the same.  There is no going back to the way things…

Knowing The Helpful (And Hurtful) Things To Say When Someone Has Lost A Baby

A grieving parent can receive many things from people after the death of their child.  They may receive cards, casseroles, texts, gift cards, and flowers.  They may receive visitors at their door or phone calls from loved ones far away.   I was the recipient of all these things when my own daughter died, but…