I Don’t Want To Remember What It Was Like When My Baby Died, But I Will Never Forget It

It's been almost four years since my daughter was stillborn. It's been almost four years since I went home without my baby. A day I wish I could forget. And somehow, I remember that day like it was yesterday. On that day, I changed out of my hospital gown and packed up my belongings. I…

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No parent should have to choose between grieving the child who died and parenting the child who lived.

Please Don’t Make Me Choose Between My Child Who Died And My Child Who Lives

I always imagined myself the mother of multiple children. It seemed like a simple enough task. If I wanted two or more children in my family, then all I needed to do was get pregnant, have a baby and repeat the process as desired. As it turns out, getting pregnant has very little to do…

I wish Hallmark made a birthday card for my child who died.

I Wish Hallmark Made A Birthday Card For My Child Who Died

Every year, for the past 3 years, I find myself in the greeting card aisle. I stand there wanting to buy a birthday card for my daughter who was stillborn. Nervously scanning the rows of cards and looking for a label that says something like "Birthday For Child From Grieving Parent." Every time I walk…

Learning to live with grief brain.

Learning To Live With Grief Brain

Losing my daughter has changed the way I think. I don’t just mean my perspective on life has changed, I mean the actual cognitive process of thinking. I have grief brain. Grief brain is what happens to your exhausted mind after the loss of a loved one. I’m not sure how much scientific evidence there…

Babies Don’t Die So That People Can Learn Life Lessons–They Just Die And It’s Tragic

So many people are comforted by the idea that everything happens for a reason. For every bad moment that life delivers, there's a lesson to be learned. I get why people think this way. It's a lot easier to accept life's hardships if we know something good will come from it. It's a nice theory…

I Know It Was Hard For Everyone When My Baby Died–It Was Hard For Me Too

I was once brave enough to ask a friend why she stopped talking to me when my daughter died. She responded that she couldn't reach out to me because my daughter's death was so hard on her. It was too much for her to deal with. To that "friend" and every other person who turned…

This Halloween, When The Doorbells Are Silent–Please Think Of The Children Not Here To Ring Them

It's Halloween night and the doorbell rings. You grab the bowl of candy and head to greet your trick-or-treaters. As the door swings open, you hear the rustle of plastic bags and the thudding of plastic pails awaiting their prize. "Trick or treat!" their voices chime and you smile as you pass out candy to…