We Can Imagine What It’s Like When A Baby Dies–We Just Don’t Want To

"I can't imagine what you're going through." If your baby has died, you have heard this phrase. I'll guess you've heard it more than once. Maybe it was written in a sympathy card that you could barely bring yourself to open in those first days of grief. It's what so many choose to say when…

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Finding The Words–5 Things To Say After A Baby Dies

When a baby dies it is devastating. It is an unexpected and heartbreaking tragedy. It is very possible that people might not know what to say and that makes sense. They may wonder how could words ever be enough to take away the pain? What could one possibly say to remove the burden of losing…

Dear Abby: Your Advice About Grief Is Not Helpful And It Hurts

Oh, Abby. I saw your column today--the one where you gave advice to Crystal in Nevada. She wrote to you asking how to cope with her aunt who had a stillbirth 20 years ago. Crystal wanted to know how to talk to this aunt who lives such a “morbid lifestyle.” To encourage her to move…

My Advice To The Person Who Is Pregnant–Take Your Picture

I'm not one to issue advice, especially when no one's asking. I am especially hesitant to offer advice to a person when they are a pregnant, but I do have something I need to say. If you are pregnant, I want you to take the picture. No matter how far into your pregnancy you may…

I Don’t Need Help Finding The Bright Side Of Baby Loss–There Isn’t One

When my daughter died, everyone wanted to know what could they do. How could they help me feel better? What would make this easier? Their questions confused me. During the darkest days of my life, it seemed impossible to feel better. I could think of nothing that would cheer me up. It took some time…

7 Ways To Include the Grieving Mother On Mother’s Day

My first Mother's Day was a lonely one. It had been only 2 months since my daughter was stillborn and while I wasn't exactly expecting an endless stream of cards and well-wishers, I was expecting something. After all, I was a mother. The day came and went with very little reach-out from friends and family.…

Mothers Are Not Made By The Babies They Hold–Mothers Are Made By The Babies They Love

Why do we wait to hand out the title of mother? Why is a woman carrying a child only thought of as a mom-to-be. It's as if she won't be a mother until she's up all night with a crying baby or her house is strewn with toys and dirty laundry. Like she must earn…