To My Stillborn Baby, I Still Carry You With Me

They said there was no heartbeat. They said you left. They said you died inside of me. And while that is true, we both know that you never really went anywhere. They told me that you would be born still. They said your eyes would never open, your lungs would never draw breath. They told…

Advertisements

The Should-Be, Could-Be, Would-Bes Of Baby Loss

There's a sense of uncertainty when your baby dies. Whether you've lost them at 5 weeks gestation or 10 months after birth, it can be difficult to figure out how to grieve a life so brief. Grief is so often tied to the memories we have of the deceased. We find comfort in thinking about…

I Wish I Had Known That Stillbirth Was A Possibility

What I'm about to say might scare you and to be honest, it should. If you are pregnant or plan to be pregnant, there is a chance that your baby could be stillborn. Why am I telling you this? Because no one told me. Not even when I was on bedrest and doing everything I…

Losing A Baby In A Pregnancy-Obsessed Society

Pregnancy announcements. Baby showers. Gender reveals. Maternity photoshoots. Creating registries. As soon as you see two lines, there are countless ways you are encouraged to prepare and celebrate your pregnancy and baby on the way. It seems like we can't get enough of women when they are expecting their little bundle (or bundles) of joy.…

Even Though My Baby Died, You Can Still Call Me ‘Mama’

I remember when I announced my pregnancy and you said, "Congratulations Mama." I remember when my bump started showing and you squealed, "You look so good, Mama!" I remember at my baby shower when you asked, "Are you ready for this Mama?" And then, I had to tell you that my baby died. You told…

How Do You Love Your Post-Baby Body When There Is No Baby?

When your baby dies, you seek validation of their existence. Your heart scrambles for someone else to acknowledge their realness. A panicky feeling thuds within as you are left wondering if something can be real when you are the only one who knows it existed. The validation you are looking for will come and it…

After Losing My Own Baby, I Now Avoid Baby Showers

They're having a baby shower at work and I will not be going. While everyone gathers together in celebration, I will find a place to hide. I will come up with an excuse for the co-worker who passes me in the hall on their way to the baby shower and wonders if I'm coming. I…