“You Don’t Even Look Like You Had A Baby!” And Other Things You Shouldn’t Say After Miscarriage And Stillbirth

Death is an uncomfortable subject. When people are in a situation where they have to say words out loud about death, it leads to some very awkward encounters. For reasons we can all imagine, this awkwardness increases when discussing the death of a baby. Before having two miscarriages and my daughter being stillborn, I figured…

The pregnancy and infant loss bill of rights.

11 Things You Need To Know If You Have Experienced Pregnancy Or Infant Loss

When a pregnancy ends or a baby dies, there is such helplessness felt by the parents of that child. Losing your baby makes you feel as if you've lost your sense of self. How do you move forward after such heartbreak? How do you make sense amidst the devastation? This struggle can be made more…

9 Things Healthcare Providers Can Do To Support Families Through Pregnancy and Infant Loss

By now it is commonly known that one in four pregnancies will end in a loss. No one should be more aware of this statistic than the countless healthcare providers who will care for these women and their families during their loss. One would assume, given the common nature of pregnancy and infant loss, that…

To Those Who Don’t Know What It’s Like To Have Your Baby Die, Consider It Your Privilege

When I say that my daughter died, people will often respond: "I'm sorry I didn't know." Their response makes me smile in that sad sort of way because it reminds me that when my baby died, there was so much I didn't know. I didn't know it was possible to keep breathing when your baby's…

The Real Heroes Of The Abortion Debate Are The Mothers Facing Impossible Decisions

The words I write here are not for the people on the very many sides of the late-term abortion debate--the ones who mistake themselves as the heroes and the champions. The words I write here are for those who are trapped in the middle. The ones whose stories are being used to make a point.…

To My Fellow Loss Mamas–I Love You No Matter What

Dear Courageous Mama, I want you to know that I love you. No matter when or how your baby died, you deserve nothing but love and support. And that, beautiful mama, is what I have for you. I love you in your moments of celebration.  I love you in your moments of grief. I love…

In Our House, We Never Say “Don’t Cry”

We cry in this house. We cry when the grandma dies in Moana, we cry when we don't get our way, and we cry when we're tired. It doesn't matter if you're a toddler or an adult--everyone in our household cries. What happens when we cry? We comfort one another, we pass the tissues, we…

Know Your Circle–Using Ring Theory To Support Those Grieving

When my daughter was stillborn, I found myself exhausted. Her death had drained me and left me very little emotional strength to deal with anything or anyone else. I wanted support without any engagement, but that seemed like a lot to ask for. There were few people who would simply let me unload. Most people…